Ten selfies

Nine shots of jäger

Eight fridge magnets

Seven birthday get-togethers

Six Instagram story tags

Five missed calls at 2am

Four white lies

Three unannounced kisses on the cheek

Two archived, muted WhatsApp groups

One mercurial friendship….



It announces it’s arrival and then plays coy. The more you try to ignore it, the louder it gets but it’s hard to pinpoint the source.

So you eventually give chase, catching it is the most you’ve ever wanted anything.

It slides down the curve of your neck. Runs deliberate slow circles around each shoulder blade. You follow it nervously, as it saunters across the bridge of your spine, does it know it’s being followed?

You get closer, this is chess but with higher stakes. The mere anticipation make your hands quiver

You pounce talon first, your prey is cornered, it’s pupils tiny, surprisingly, it submits, to your progressively more frequent, unbridled scratching

It quivers, and then finally dies with a smile across its face. You wonder, albeit, for a second, if it was you being hunted all along.



I want someone to blame, don’t you?

To point a finger at

Not this sinister envelope

Is it dead? Is it alive? Is it an Austrian cat?

A missive of wicked prose

Breeding as fast as a yawn or a rumour

I want someone to grab hold of

To strangle, choke and punch

Stomp it till it’s pearly whites

Lie in a puddle of bloody sinew

I wish it would admit to being evil

That it enjoys the destruction and death

So I could blame it

But it just sits there

Shamelessly basking in collective fear

Killing without glee or remorse

Perversely, as just as the blindfolded statue

A virus I’ll forgive

But you, you smug bastard

You, I’ll remember



In the beginning there was

Nothing, zilch, nada, 0

Now you’re all alone with 1

Packet of Maggi

But 1 is always too little

And 2, is always too much

So you find a friend

And make 3

Goldilocks concurs, it was just about right

Happy us, high 5?

I should stop now before it’s too late

You’re probably hungry thinking about

All the Maggi I just 8